We don’t need no steenkin’ characterisation!


Yesterday I took my darling mommy out to the movies. Since I hate arguing with people about what to see, I figured I was cool with whatever she chose (although secretly I was going PICK G FORCE PICK G FORCE IT HAS GUINEA PIGS PLEEEAAASE I WANT ANIMATED GUINEA PIGS!!!).

We did not go watch G-force. My mom picked My Sister’s Keeper.

Afterwards we walked out and my mom just went “WWHHHHHHHYYYYY?!”

Dear Hollywoood,

Endless melodramatic slow shots of bald people dying of cancer, while tearjerker music swells in the background, is not really the same thing as characterisation.


No love,


Moving on, here’s a list of things agents hate to see in the first chapter.

 What Agents Hate.

 “I don’t like descriptions of the characters where writers make them too perfect. Heroines (and heroes) who are described physically as being virtually unflawed come across as unrelatable
and boring. No ‘flowing, wind-swept golden locks’; no ‘eyes as blue as the sky’; no ‘willowy, perfect figures.’ ”
—Laura Bradford, Bradford Literary Agency

pretty much sums up my feelings on characters. Perfect characters tend to bore me.

And now you know. Use this knowledge wisely, etc.

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One Reply to “We don’t need no steenkin’ characterisation!”

  1. Hmmm… Nothing in that list about describing a gravely obese man (with lank hair and acne) fighting for breath as he beats a sparkling vampire to death with his bare hands.

    I may be safe. 😀

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