I was never faithful and I was never one to trust


I just looked up from a day of rewriting a third past POV into first present and realised it was Thursday.

Whoa, how did that happen?

I have to write a new scene here, but my brain is feeling kind of numb, so I’ll leave that for the morrow, when my head is fresh.

In the meantime I shall inflict an excerpt on the world. This is from Nulled & Void, and it’s part of a scene where my three destroyed angels touch the metadivine in order to see if someone they know has become a god. It makes way more sense in context.

I think.

Trend hasn’t moved yet. The day is still young, and most of the congregation is asleep. Passed out on inflatable mattresses, wrapped in sleeping bags. The sun is almost at peak. The thin sound of it through the small dusted windows a high whine.
Em and Gavs are sitting on the rubber couch, pink now in the dusty light.
“Hey,” says a dissident. He touches the vial at his throat. Half-bows. “Wanna beer?”
I snort. What a stupid fucking question.
The dissident nods once and runs off to fetch me a drink.
What? says Em.
Gavs is half-asleep, curled against her. Their fingers are linked. He looks at me through half-lids, waiting.
Once, we could tell when a god was born. Thanks to our connection with the Amnio. Now of course, we keep the door closed. But if we could touch it for just one moment, I would know. I need to see something, I say. In the waters.
Em hisses. Gav sits up. The dissident presents me a beer.
Just a touch, I say after I have downed half the beer in one long swallow. A dabble.
They know better than to ask me why. And it will take only a moment. Em shifts up a little on the couch, releases Gav, and I take my place between them. The three of us meet, fingers curling together, and the skin is to skin, and I lean over and kiss Gavs, quick and hard, and as I pull away, I draw blood.
He was expecting it. Not a flinch. Em does the same to me, and then Gavs to her.
The few waking dissidents watch from the dusty shadows, silent. This is not something they have seen before and they can tell. They can tell. This act is bigger than it seems.
For a moment, blood to blood and spit to spit and skin to skin and we can feel everything. The Amnio is just there, waiting for us.
It calls.
We do not come to it.
We hesitate, just on the edge, and feel for the electric flicker of a new god.
The shape of the god is familiar-new, potential and probability and perhaps. It’s her. Certain. We have what we came for. Time to turn back.
And it is so hard to not just let go, take the leap back to our precious waters. But we have made a vow,
Em pulls back first, lets go my hand.
She is shaking. I want, she says.  I want … and then she holds her self quiet and still and I can feel the want leaving her, like it is leaving me, leaving Gavs.
Did you see it? I ask.
Gavs nods, and Em sighs,  Yes.
Good. The Asher-Bird ungod has been resurrected.

edit: I should probably add, yep, i know it’s jerky and wtf, I’m still trying to work out what I’m doing with it. 😀

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