Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl but she’s pretty much obsolete


I’m reading through the feedback I’ve received, so that I can try put my brain in order before I tackle the rewrite of hob.

A couple of things keep coming up:

Calissa. A few people have suggested either cutting her or beefing her part up, because at the moment I lose her in the middle. Others find her POV rather poignant. Unfortunately, while I was going for the second, it’s obviously not coming through strongly enough. So, much thinking to be done there…

Jek and Sel appear to be working, and even hitting the exact reactions I wanted (and can I tell you how Sel’s fucking pov did my head in – making it change whenever he was getting saner… I am *never* writing anyone even vaguely mentally troubled again).

The fact that some people thought that Calissa was helping Jek out of some kind of altruism…eeek, I really failed there. She’s never going to fully forgive Jek for just existing, but she’s clever enough to realise that she has to at the very least play nice, pretend there’s no antagonism…argh. I’m always scared that I belabour things until the reader is going no! no more ! please. Except that it seems sometimes I do the exact opposite and make things too subtle. Unfortunately, I can’t just play her as a straight little bitch with no qualms about using everyone around her, because while she is that, she’s also a person with her own hopes and fears.

Not enough description of place or people – the cultures and the differences between hobs and lammers and even the bats.

Yep, description, *still* one of my weakest points. *headdesk* I cannot even begin to tell you how often I get told my description is anaemic. Every time I write I think I’ve done better, and then discover that I haven’t. This one makes me want to cry.

Not enough of a build up to the Mekekana. Easy to fix. YAY!

The ending is too rushed. Hmmm.

Actually, now that I’ve put them down on paper, it doesn’t seem as insurmountable as when I was just thinking about it. Calissa is obviously the hardest, so ‘ll have to really knuckle down there. Starting tomorrow, Cat said.

If anyone has a suggestion or another point to add to my shortlist feel free. The individual scenes where people gave feedback are covered, so don’t worry about them. 😀 This list is the big picture stuff.

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